About 5 years ago, my beautiful mother went through a rough year, health wise. She was constanly in pain, in surgery after surgery. There were times when she would call me crying and I would feel helpless. It was a tough time and when I think about how she and I got through it all, I can only thank God. It is very possible that my mom would not be still alive today but by the mercy of God she is. It was a hard time in my life, but we made it through.
I remember one particular time, I was going to visit her at the hospital after work. I was feeling very down because of this ongoing situation. I wanted to see my mother's health restored. This had just gone on for too long and there was also a fear in me of my mother not making it. I didn't feel ready for that, eventhough I was married, I felt that I still needed her alot in my life for guidance and advice. She's always the person I turn too. That day, I felt so heartbroken, asking God "why?", I could not bare to see my mom in so much pain and suffering any longer. I decided to play a CD I had in my car to calm me down the rest of the way to the hospital. I did not want my mother to see me in the state I was. I needed to be strong for her. As the CD played, a song came on that ministered to my heart, oh so dearly (it was God sent, I don't believe in coincidences!). It was a breaking point for me. I had my moment with God that gave me the strength to endure the rest of my mother's sickness. The tears just started to flow and I thanked God for being my strength, my refuge, my hope and my peace (Psalms 37:39 - "He is their strength in the time of trouble"). Although I was still concerned for my mother, I was finally able to leave my burden on God instead of carrying it myself.
Now everytime I hear that song, it takes me back to that moment and time. And I get teary. There are moments you have in the presence of God that impact your life forever. I'm thankful for the moments God has allowed me to pass with him. My moms sickness made me learn to trust him more, it made me grow in faith (as I saw him heal her from Cancer!), it made me mature in him, it made me value the right things in life, the things that are worth it and to enjoy even the smallest moments of life with your loved ones.
From everything we learn and I'm thankful for that. It was a painful time of my life, but now when I look back, I realize all of the great lessons it taught me. I don't think I had ever gotten as close to God as I did, when my mother was sick. I believe that is another reason why I had to go through that time, to learn to get close to Him and stay close to Him for the plans He had in my future, I needed to learn to have that close relationship with him. I needed to stop focussing on the things I was, to focus on Him and His plans for my life. During that time, He wrapped me in his arms and sustained me.
The chorus of that song goes like this (it's in spanish but I translated the chorus).
You are my Refuge, and my Salvation
In you I find, comfort in my pain,
I know that you desire, my time and my life
I give it all to you.
I leave you with this verse, which I truly believe: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28